Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
Ever since I was a child, I’d always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy”.
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.
“Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, at $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
It’s always better to get a second opinion
Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
“One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…” said one boy.
Several dropped, and rolled down toward the fence.
A third boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…”
He just knew what it was!
He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come down to the cemetery quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard!”
“Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!’
The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!”
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last, they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done…”
They say the old man had the lead on the kid for a good half-mile, before the kid on the bike passed him.
they threw rocks at border patrol and police for 4 straight hours….
Last week the Department of Homeland Security confirmed gang members and people with dangerous criminal histories are embedded in the migrant caravan. The DHS also confirmed Judicial Watch’s reporting that migrants from the Middle East, Africa and Bangladesh were embedded in the horde marching to the U.S. Even worse, several unaccompanied minors were saved by Guatemalan authorities after it was discovered they were being trafficked by smugglers. On Sunday another caravan formed in El Salvador.
US Military on the way to help stop the invasion, 1,800 troops will go to Texas, 1,700 to Arizona and 1,500 to California.