I was walking

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,”If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked.

“No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said..”I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on hunting equipment?” I asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t gone hunting in 20 years!”

“Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting.”

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

  1. Thomas has graduated
  2. the plane ride over the pond hasn’t gotten shortened.
  3. BigBro is a BIG pain in ass when he is tired.
  4. BigBro has to find a different seat for the ride home!!!

5. They don’t do Thanksgiving down under!!! (added by me, not him…)

Ha Ha OldTimer, we had turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. SO THERE!

they have Aussie turkey’s???

The Australian brushturkeyor gweela (Alectura lathami), also called the scrub turkey or bush turkey, is a species of mound-building bird found in eastern Australia.

oh man, the wide variety of stuffs we learn hanging out here…..DyRy

Finished, finally

at the 1912 Olympics, a marathon runner quit and went home to Japan without telling officials and was considered a missing person in Sweden for 50 years. In 1966, he was invited to complete the marathon. His time: 54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes and 20.379 seconds.

the maid

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”

Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Helen: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Helen: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Helen: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Helen: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”

Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”

Helen: “No, the gardener did.”

Wife: “So, how much do you want?”