A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”
“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”
“I agree,” says the Father. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”
“I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours…”
“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
“Sister, would you mind if I touched them?”
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
“Father, could I ask something of you?”
“I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?”
“I suppose that would be OK,” the Priest replied lifting his robe.
“Oh Father, may I touch it?”
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
“Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.”
“Is that true Father?”
“Yes, it is, Sister.”
“Oh Father, that’s wonderful… stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!”
I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said “Remove cap and push up bottom”
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
In case you missed it, today, Federal Agents arrested Dr. Charles Lieber, chair of Harvard University’s Department of Chemistry and Chemical Biology, with lying to the Department of Defense about secret monthly payments of $50,000.00 paid by China and receipt of millions more to help set up a chemical/biological “Research” laboratory in China. Also arrested were two Chinese “Students” working as research assistants, one of whom was actually a lieutenant in the Chinese Army, the other captured at Logan Airport as he tried to catch a flight to China – smuggling 21 vials of “Sensitive Biological Samples” according to the FBI.
The research lab the good professor had helped set up? It’s located at the Wuhan University of Technology. Wuhan China is ground zero to the potentially global pandemic known as the “Coronavirus”which is both spreading rapidly and killing people.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave a startling and wholly unexpected statement today during an interview with Belgian magazine “Le Mensonge.” With impeachment dominating the news these days, the conversation naturally turned to the subject after preliminary pleasantries. Pelosi was asked point blank,”What will you do if impeachment doesn’t get the votes needed to pass?”
The Speaker did not hesitate, launching into a long-winded diatribe before eventually giving a response to the actual question:
“When I was a little girl, I used to greet the mailman and the milkman everyday with a smile on my face. They were so nice to me, like alternate fathers. I wonder what ever happened to them? Probably dead. Oh well. We should bring milkmen back. They were good.
If this impeachment fails, my time is probably up. I won’t wait around. If it doesn’t go through, I’ll resign. This I decree. You like that? I picked it up from my nephew. He’s the governor of California, you know.”
She appears to have gone a little loopy in the middle there but her message was clear. If impeachment doesn’t work, she’s gone. Hallelujah.